So I was talkin' with this woman I know t'other day and somehow we got on the topic of her relationship with another woman - her first same-sex relationship. She said that she'd never been "gay" before and it was causing her to become aware of all kinds of things that she'd never noticed before.
I said "Yeah, I'm committed to celibacy - which isn't the same thing at all, but I do know what you mean about having a non-traditional form of sexuality/nonsexuality - you become aware of how much emphasis there is on same-sex relationships in every aspect of our society. When I said the words "committed to celibacy", her eyes got huge. She said "Well, I think you deserve to be happy..." and trailed off.
And that's pretty much what it's like to be celibate. Even the queers get weirded out. I'm pretty sure that if I said I liked fucking chickens - roosters, actually - people would find that, maybe a little odd, but ya know, whatever gets ya through the night.
My decision to embrace celibacy - actually, I like "chastity" better because it seems more old-fashioned - my decision to embrace chastity happened after five or six years of being sexually abstinent, which condition was my way of avoiding the type of sexual relationships I'd had since high school. Basically, I decided nothing was better than being involved with women who were crazy enough to get involved with me. During that time, I'd say I was "taking a break" and that if God wanted me to be with a woman, "God'll have to make that happen". And then, one day, it just clicked in my head - "I am celibate" - which I later changed to "I am chaste". It definitely started as a way of dealing with my own brokenness - my childhood did not prepare me for healthy relationships and the years of drugs, alcohol and the kinda sex life that goes with being drunk and/or high 24/7 only exacerbated an already fucked up situation. But it became another way of enacting my spirituality, like getting clean/sober or becoming a vegetarian.
I will tell ya, though - giving up weed, meth and booze wasn't exactly a sacrifice. Eventually, being blotto stops being fun and starts being what you have to do just to survive. When I finally staggered into detox, I was wrecked - mentally, physically and spiritually, and couldn't remember when it was all about "partying". I can't imagine ever going back to that.
Vegetarianism seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I stopped eating red meat first. That went well for a year, so I cut out the rest. I had to watch myself so I didn't turn into one of those self-righteous vegetarians who always annoyed me. Pretty soon, I lost whatever it was that separated pigs from dogs or cows from horses - why is fine to eat one, but not the other? At some point, I was talking with a Jew about the kosher food prohibitions and I realized that vegetarianism had become like that for me. I am conscious of the fact that I have a relationship with Brahman/God/Wakan Tanka every time I eat. Also, bacon stinks.
And so it is with chastity. Above and beyond not catching HPV, I am made more conscious of my relationship with my Deity of choice. I have been somewhat disgusted for a coupla decades with the way sex is treated by mainstream USA and that has become more pronounced. I really don't see how it's possible, in the internet age, to have a healthy sexual life. Sex is portrayed as a joke, bodily function or weapon everywhere you look. I don't think it's possible to block all that out enough to have uncorrupted sex. i'd rather not have sex than have sex with a head full of what sex has become.
A recent BDSR release (Hope In Hell, which you can find here - https://thebigdrumintheskyreligion.bandcamp.com/album/hope-in-hell) contains a sample - "If anything blocks your relationship with God, get rid of it", or something like that, and I concur. There's nothing more interesting, mind-blowing or joyful than the ever-unfolding relationship that I have with the metaphor that I use for the Ultimate Mystery, which is all that is, was and will be, and more. It sets me apart from the society I live in, sure, but that's just icing on the cake.
I expect that some readers have a question in mind - no I don't do that, either.
Brown Hat the Espresso Shaman
The pun is always intended.