- I was hanging out down town with the Spotted Opossum, looking at flowers and bees and talking about flowers and bees and some guys were trimming the shrubbery around the Methodist church. They had gas powered trimmers. One guy, nearer to us, was keeping a steady buzzing drone. The other guy, kinda behind the shrubs, was fading out, stopping and powering back up. The trimmers were barely out of tune, off by a few cents, which created a wonderful effect:
Binaural beating: DROoOoOoOoOoOoOoOne
It was awesome. I really enjoyed those trimmers. There is so much amazing soundage going on all the time. I have no idea why people listen to the shit they listen to.
The Flying Burrito Brothers?
Fuck that. Gimme power tools or crickets anyday.
- The hardest part of fasting is remembering you’re fasting. There’s food all over the place and it’s all too easy to pick something up – a piece of candy, to take an example that caught me off-guard today. It is certainly preferable to maintain the fast, but a little bite is nothing to fret over. We are, after all, merely human. Resume the fast and try harder.
- The title of this blog puns on The Varieties Of Religious Experience by William James. I considered “Vagaries Of Religious Experience”, but a Google search showed that many people had already used that. “Vulgarities” makes more sense for my purposes anyway since part of what The Big Drum In The Sky Religion is about is blurring the line between the sacred and the profane, not to profane the sacred, but to sanctify the profane. We believe that everything is sacred. Fuck. Shit. Piss.
- What’s behind the mask? Imagine a face that is equal parts Lance Henrikson and Steve Buscemi, but with Walter Mathau’s nose. Got it?
- People outside Harrisonburg might think that The Big Drum In The Sky Religion are hometown heroes. Nothing could be further from the truth. It ain’t that the locals hate us; it’s that they don’t give a shit. We aren’t attractive, we don’t go to the right parties and we sure as shit don’t play indie/alt post-punk math-rock or any form of metal. Mark 6:4 seems relevant here. King James Version, as always.
- This Espresso Shaman regularly and enthusiastically supports the ELF, which means there is no fuggin’ way I can participate in any of that shit. I have a small child and an arrest record; it would be foolhardy and reckless for me to get involved with any kinda domestic terrorist organization, no matter how righteous it might be.
Nevertheless, I support in intangible ways. For example, I would encourage people who do not have the complications I have to get involved, after learning a bit about security culture. One cannot be too cautious with that kind of thing.
Same holds true with the ALF.
- I don’t like being touched. I don’t mind shaking hands and I can handle the very brief semi-hug and cheek-kiss that happens when I see my Mom or Grandma, but beyond that: don’t like it. Obviously, I don’t mind general contact with women I’m sleeping with, but at this writing, I’m not sleeping with any women nor am I particularly interested in any. My daughter is the exception: she likes a lot of physical contact and I enjoy it with her.
I used to think the fact that I don’t like human contact meant there was something wrong with me. Then I just accepted it. There’s no reason for me to try to make myself enjoy hugging everybody or having people do that thing they do where they touch your arm when they’re talking because they want you to know they’re warm and caring people. Fuck that.
I did a Google search once on “i don’t like being touched” and discovered that it’s actually a thing: Tactile Hypersensitivity Disorder. I reject that. I have my share of disorders, but that ain’t one of ‘em. And I’m not hypersensitive. I just don’t really like people touching me.
Also, I think mayonnaise is disgusting.
- Check out this great idea for an app: fuzzbox. Yep, an app that makes all audio sound like its being run through a distortion pedal. I’m thinking old school fuzz, real simple: an on/off switch and a dial for turning the distortion up and down.
I’m not sure how to move on this idea. I have an old flip phone and no intentions of upgrading to an iphone or smartphone or whatever anytime soon. Apps are something I hear about but have no serious interest in or knowledge of. I would like to cash in on the trend, though.
I guess I’ll start shopping it around, sending emails to various companies that make distortion pedals.
- Awfsome (ôfsəm) adjective: Something so awful that it is awesome.
Around here, this word is frequently used to describe movies. White Comanche, featuring William Shatner as a pair of identical half-Comanche/half-white twins who hate each other, is awfsome. Actually, pretty much any movie starring William Shatner is going to be awfsome. Other awfsome movies: Journey To The Planet Of Prehistoric Women, The Killer Shrews, Bride Of The Monster, The Born Losers, Billy Jack, The Trial Of Billy Jack, Billy Jack Goes To Washington, Orgy Of The Dead, The Brain That Wouldn’t Die, Vive La Muerte, The Beast With A Million Eyes, Them, Godzilla Vs. Mothra (“Godzilla Vs….” pretty much guarantees awfsomeness), Finis Hominis, If Footmen Tire You What Will Horses Do, The Burning Hell, I Will Walk Like A Crazy Horse, El Barón Del Terror, Zombie, And God Said To Cain, Slave Of The Cannibal God….this list could on and on.
I generally watch awfsome movies with my laptop handy so I can research what I’m watching in real time. If one is watching, for example, Manos: The Hands Of Fate, it’s good to know that John Reynolds, the actor who played Torgo, was wasted on painkillers and that he blew his brains out after the film was completed.
It’s hard for me to come up with examples of awfsomeness outside of movies. The Black Death was awfsome. I can’t think of anything else off the top of my head.
- Great quotes by me:
“There is no justification for bad animation.”
“I am willing to accept morality as the price I have to pay for sanity.”
“I don’t want to be the best me I can be; I want to be the most me I can be.”
“You mess with the tiger, you get the horns.”
“Most people won’t fuck you over unless they have the opportunity to do so.”
“The wise warrior may choose not to fight, but the warrior who never fights is a poser.”
“Choose your battles and fight to the teeth.”
“If you lead your nation to victory, you will be celebrated as a hero and remembered for ages. If you change a baby’s diaper, no one will remember, not even the baby. It is better, therefore, to change diapers.”
“Turn to religion, damned sinners, not that it may save you, but that you may save it.”
“Today is the last day of your life.”
Brown Hat the Espresso Shaman
The pun is always intended.